2017 x Chapter 1: New Beginnings

Defining Life - Yes, thats my New Year's Resolution for 2017.

I've just met up with a pretty close friend of mine recently before the start of a brand new year.
The two of us meet each other just once a year. And as cliche as it seems - its like as if a sense of familiarity charges your veins with the nostalgia of childhood and adrenaline rushes through in the form of reminiscence.
It's an unexplainable bond that we share, but well they say - #ijfriendsarefriendsforlife eh?

In our recent meet up - we exchanged views of the adulty world versus the perpetual and constant search for defining moments of our lives.
We constantly joked about how we need to "get our shit together." And once again, I questioned my very own existential purpose of living.
Truly, but surely - these questions would've popped up into your mind at least once - in some way or another.

"What does it mean to live?" // "How do you define fulfilment in life?" // "What is the purpose of my existence?"

An author, Donald Richie - once wrote that "to live" could signify that "existence is enough"
However, do I want to merely exist?

I came across a film by Kurosawa titled "Ikiru" which inspired a range of mixed emotions within me.
In an especially poignant start of the film, the film narrator states:

"After all, he's simply passing time without actually living his life. In other words, he's not really even alive... he might as well be a corpse. In fact, this man has been dead for more than 20 years now. Before that, he did live a little. He even actually tried to do real work.

But now, there's barely a trace of his old passion and ambition. He's been worn down completely by the minutia of the bureaucratic machine and the meaningless busy-ness it breeds. Busy, always so very busy.

But in fact, this man does absolutely nothing at all. Other than protecting his own spot. The best way to protect your place in this world is to do nothing at all. Is this really what life is all about?"

After watching the film, "existence" seems pretty much painful - to know that your life hasn't been fully led / that your purpose out there hasn't been fulfilled.
I guess I'm just selfish. I do not want to simply "exist" without searching for meaning in life.

But I am a coward - how do i achieve to live a life filled with an abundance of meaning...?

"we have to get used to the idea that there are no signs at the most important crossroads in our lives"

I guess I've recently come to terms that maybe we really DON'T have to chase after what everyone is chasing after. 

How am I still living and breathing when my thoughts are a mixture of plain chaos, aching to determine what exactly my purpose is? 

Letting go of a belief that I'm supposed to have life figured out by now was really difficult to come to terms with.
But I'm trying, learning and most of all, accepting... that it's actually alright to go through life feeling blind and unsteady - and never fully sure of what you're doing, because that's how it's supposed to be.

What is defining though? How exactly do you define a year?

• By your first heart break?
• By the net quantity of people you've gained and lost in life?
• By the number of places and cities you've travelled to?
• By the decibels of sound your laughter have reached?
• By the moments you've experienced pure, unadulterated joy?
• By the number of events you've stepped out of your comfort zone to achieve something?
• By the number of times you sank into your seat, unable to escape from the grasps of self-loathe?
• By the number of tears you've shed in a year?
• By the number of times you switched off the news to escape from the depressing reality of current events?
• By the amount of new skills you've picked up this year?

Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it is about unbecoming everything that isn't really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place. If all small things lead to the bigger things in life - then, everything happens for a reason.

2017 will be a year to dwell on the beauty of self-discovery.

It will be a year to meet the new and improved version of me, to create new things, explore new passions and visit places I've never thought of visiting. 

To finally live and excite every cell in my body - to pursuit and invigorate what ignites my heart.

To be brave enough to risk and leap across boundaries and be resilient enough to welcome major changes. 

2017 will be the year of defining life - to know and realise that you are meant and created to survive.

Orlando 1.1

I guess I finally have the time and motivation to blog about my Disney work and trip experience.
I've been wanting to do this for the longest time but i have been procrastinating, of course. Additionally, losing my phone in the US made it harder for me to blog well.... because all the photos I've taken have gone down the drain.
Thankfully though, I invested in a camera back during the Amazon Summer Sale this year. (phew - count that as a photo-saving asset?)

I was just scrolling my Facebook feed when I realised that its the 45th Anniversary of Walt Disney World! All the photos and comments made me reminisce the amazing time I had back there. It's insane how everything just flashes by so quickly and now that I'm back to reality it feels entirely surreal. Just a span of one year and I've seen and learnt so much. More on that later.

In the mean time, I should probably get on with this post since everything is still fresh in my mind and has been put in retrospect.

---

Guess I'll start with how I actually got my ass to apply for this job, and I really Thank God for how blessed I am to be given this opportunity.

I still remember the very first time that I've ever heard about WDW - I was working in the office and data entry got kinda boring so I wandered off to YouTube in secret to play my favourite Disney songs to keep my momentum steady.

That was when I saw the "Walt Disney World 2016 Vacation Planning Video" at the side bar and I gave it a click - it was a full one hour video but also -

THE BEST DECISION EVER. 

(Fun Fact: Walt Disney World has 4 theme parks, 2 water parks, 20 resorts (and is bigger than Singapore itself)

I also remember I was meeting my KC clique for dinner that day at Supply and Demand. I started telling them about all the amazing finds that I chanced upon watching that 1-hour YouTube video, and they were all telling me how I shouldn't give them spoilers about the fun we'd have and that we should definitely plan a trip there together in the future. (I'm sorry I went ahead first, haha!)

Honestly, I've been such a big fan of Disney since I was a kid.
I've watched every Disney movie at least 5 times and I can sing the exact lyrics to every Disney classic. I've always dreamt of going to at least a Disney theme park or becoming a Disney Princess - despite how boyish I've been all my life (surprise, surprise!) and even though my parents brought me up with expectations of being a boy (#asianparentsthingamajig).
I practically wandered my entire life how exciting it would be to be able to create the same magic that Disney has created for me.
Walt Disney has been such a huge inspiration. Besides, I believe exceptional customer service is one of the most essential employee disposition that any business should have.
Anyways, main point - Disney was all I have ever dreamt about.

I continued researching about opportunities and of course, silly me - I randomly decided to apply for an internship there, not expecting with a second thought to be able to be offered an interview opportunity. I am eternally grateful towards all my close friends who supported and pushed me to apply despite how uncertain i was and (turns out that it wasn't exactly a silly decision after all, haha)

It was weeks and weeks of waiting, even though deep down I kinda knew I wouldn't be given a chance - it's so competitive since millions all over the world are constantly applying to be given an opportunity like mine. At that point in time I haven't even told my parents that I applied for an opportunity that was 16000 kilometres away from my tiny island.

After two long weeks which felt like years, I finally received an email from Disney stating that I was selected for the interview and I had to fly over to Bangkok for it. I immediately exclaimed and screamed so loud with excitement, I swore the entire HDB block heard me. Very obviously I booked my air tickets to Bangkok without hesitation - I mean how many chances in a lifetime do you ever get such an opportunity bestowed upon you?! (Ha, and i skipped a week of school for it - what's university without a little truancy, yes?)

During the interview in Bangkok, I met two amazing girls and we're still in contact now even though it has been a year since the interview (the land of smiles never disappoints). We were so excited during the interview that we got ahead of ourselves and planned to room together if we got selected for the internship!
She had a twin sister that coincidentally was the only girl out of the entire Thailand batch to be selected to work as the exact same role as me! Couldn't have been more blessed.

Fast forward to a long and arduous month or so - I got accepted and YES I'M GOING TO WALT DISNEY WORLD, ORLANDO. The best part? Free entry to parks with provided accommodation during my internship and last but not least, I get to actually make magic for all our guests!

---

Finally arrived in Orlando, I spent hours immersing myself from the sights and sounds, and I never felt more relieved to be away from the constant hustle and bustle of my home city.

I suppose everyone feels exceptionally nervous about when they'd are in a new and unfamiliar place, but it made be feel reinvigorated. I went about and walked from morning till evening every day, without the help of Google Maps cause I haven't gotten a sim card haha.

It was amazing just exploring state parks and getting myself assimilated in this new place. Buying the essentials such as a US sim card and stuff. Trying amazing and cheap diners - which till now I still cannot believe the American portion size. Soaking in the new atmosphere and meeting new people - I swear road drivers just pull over to let you cross the road even if you're jay walking and they take the time to make a basic conversation to know how you're doing. It's such a huge difference from the drivers in Singapore - ha ha god.. I'd probably be run over.

downtown orlando

Sunday farmer's market adjunct to my neighbourhood

4pm, coffee, and scenic terraces

lake rowena // henry p leu gardens

Star Dust Cafe - says it all doesn't it

don't think i've ever told anyone how much i love to sip a decent cup of coffee and just read - well Star Dust was practically my perfect hangout spot.

I guess I'll end my first phase of exploration here. More on my Disney experience next.
Till next time, xx!

Sibylline Deal

She remembers the very first drink of the night.

The one bud light that the scruffy bartender reached out and tipped over the bottle cap - smiling and gesturing with a witty grin and a "hey" to reassure her that he'd be there whenever she wanted a second.

Minutes after sipping on that fizzy alcoholic beverage, there stepped in the most gorgeous fine looking man.
Its amazing how a casual buttoned top and jeans could make his 6 ft 2' body look so delicious. Was he thinking the same when he glanced across to look at her the bar counter? In that very moment, the electricity of the dance floor pulverised her veins, and yet he took its charge of fervour like a man to step forward and kiss her right palm. She curtsied with a slight grin, thinking how could someone look so charming in such a low lighted venue?

In every moment of that was an escape of reality into the disillusion of a seemingly far fetched, ill principled gesture. The buildup of feelings matched the thumping rhythms of the music. Two more shots did the trick - it intensified the currents flowing through the veins and all of a sudden it was like the 4th of July.
With every touch of their lips, the light beams roared through the dance floors; creating a very picturesque scene of a typical summer holiday affair.
It seemed like as if the world had lacked in colour, and every touch and blink came a fleeting moment of currents to transit dark into light.

He took her by the hand like he owned her, his breath reeks of sweet bourbon and annihilation.
In every sentence he murmurs an "i want you badly" to tantalize her ear buds and reassures that with the seal of kiss on her forehead.
She knew it was all an illusion, and she was prepared for it.
In this very moment - all she could do was to let her mind drown out the loudness of the music to resonate with the urgency of his entire unsatiated hunger.
Little did he know, his eagerness feeds her starving and ravenous appetite of conjoined sexual immensity.

Everything seemed so clear in that moment. 
For an instant, both of them just wanted to escape the unforgiving reality of the present for a brief respite. 

He grabbed her hand and shield her through the crowd, it felt like nothing else mattered but only the illusions created of that very moment. Knowing all she wanted that night was to get a live close up of that spectacular spinning duo, he slid a twenty over to the bouncer and carried her over the bars while he hopped down from the high table and made an entrance with multiple high-fives of random strangers - he was so ecstatic being with her, he shouted to the entire dance floor to let the world know - he really loved her at that instantaneous juncture.

Their skin emitted an abundance of electric currents through every sensual touch, it was as if the voltage was seeping through their bodies tantrically, with each cell yearning to be explored.

"We live for the moment, I live to love you for this exact moment that you're making me feel wanted. I am more than thankful for your presence. I want you to own me for the night, just as much as I want you to be mine. I want to love you badly for this night. I want to feel your exact hunger for me that it has been burning within me the moment I've kissed your right hand. I want to love you right now. This moment. I am so grateful for you. And, I love you."

Are you insane like her? Have you been in pain like her? Low on esteem, these word run through her veins like gasoline. His precious words edges her like a knife and twists, the memories flourishes through her mind, and pulled her fragile soul forward.

Mouth full of white lies, the lips are fickle and changeable. They'll either tell you things where you'd forget in an instant, or all the words you've ever wanted to hear. Its ridiculous.

That corny phrase was what she needed after a long time of being in solace - not knowing that anyone or anything needed her. It provided the most appropriate comfort in her depths of her soul that rivalled competitively with her principles. It did the trick.
Besides, what more could be emphasised in this explosion and chemistry of feelings that both parties could feel on that very same night.

He seemed like a plain vision in the morning when the light came through, he pulled her closer, covered her every inch with his blanket - leaving himself out shivering in the cold. She did the same, but he repelled and continued tugging her in then gentling kissing her on her forehead. In some sense, they did profess feelings of love in that very moment.

But she couldn't stay. It was nothing more than mere illusions directed at the appetising build right in front of her. She leaned in, for a kiss of final goodbye, with him drawing his arms to hug her so tightly, she felt like she couldn't breathe anymore.

"Hey, you okay?" His gentle voice caressed her ears, it made it seemed like the estranged affair was more than an ordinary hook up.

"Those who prefer their principles over their happiness, refused to be happy outside the conditions they seem to have - attached to their happiness." - Albert Camus

Just as quickly as it came however, she left. It left. These feelings were bright as the fireworks on the 4th of July, but the us that once was fizzled into a puff of smoke in the night. Her memory of the sweet split second love was only a memory of the pink and white bright dazzles.



In the depths of winter, she finally learned that within her laid an invincible summer.

Judgemental Mockery

"a man.... is a product of his thoughts. what he thinks? he becomes."

The world is a strange and funny place; but how you interpret it is through the very depths of your character - the challenge to wander, and your willingness to accept the unknown.

What exactly is termed to be a societal norm?
It is plainly the vision of how life should be, and how people should behave appropriately. it is a choice.

But what's really appropriate; and what's not? Life is all about choices. You have plenty of them.
And the choices you make will ultimately determine what you want to become.
You are free to choose and run free in what you want to do. What you want to choose to become.
It is eventually an unescapable cycle. We're all convicts and slaves to the actions and the choices we make.
You can only choose to salvage them - when you deem that it's an inappropriate choice.
It serves as a form of relief.

An inappropriate choice will be subject to mockery. To make yourselves feel better, that a person is daring enough to draw change to this society.
We forget that each individual is different; and mockery is a result of not being able to perceive another - which leads to the discrimination of one rule over the other.
Is one rule really right over the over? Everyone is free to instil opinions, because you lead your life accordingly to the rules you create; the way you judge the world.
It can be a puzzling move and an insult to the entire way you use to think, your beliefs and your imposed judgement of this world - before chaos.

Everyone is afraid of change. Who isn't? It creates a structure of chaos in our lives - nobody wants a peaceful life to be filled with chaos.
On the contrary, without change, there would never be any space to grow, at all.

This is the contradiction and paradox of reality - wanting to fit in, yet wanting to stand out.

What wasn't a norm in the past could be a norm now. You can't be sure of what's about to come, but you just learn to accept things the way they are.
Its simple, the mantra - take it easy.
If everyone made the same choices - a norm - that would be perceived to be a 'right' choice.
but, according to societal's standards.

"is there really such a thing as right and wrong?"

There are two sides of a coin to this.
There could be infinite possibilities to one person, yet finite outcomes to another.
Some people take things as they are, they are stagnant to change.
Because why? They're afraid of it? Or the fact that they perceived something to be right - is right.
So is something perceived to be wrong, really wrong?

i doubt so. it just depends on your sole perspective of the world. 

Jumping into conclusions and being a saviour doesn't work well with a lot of people.
You might deem you're right, but do they think its right for them? Do they want to be saved?
Ultimately, they'll find alternative methods to fall into the pit of darkness.

Sometimes, you've just got to loosen the reigns when it comes to being the hero.
Experiences brings depth in knowledge and it helps to compensate your attitude towards the unknown.

What is life? What is love?
What is hatred? What are sins?
Do they all have a commonality? yes.
They - are all regarded to be a "norm" within its own category.

Melancholic Quartet

Hey.

Do you remember me? I sure remember, and I miss you.

 "Hey." "hey."

The moon is full and bright tonight. The stars are brimming with delight like a beautiful painting on an oil canvas.
Are you looking at it too? I wonder how are you doing.

The cicadas are screeching with joy, are they mocking my thoughts?
There are many scattered leaves on the floor, swirling and dancing, as I pace my footsteps to the rhythm of the howling wind.
Is it all a coincidence that my thoughts are also swirling?
And as elegantly as they may dance, they're dead: crisp and emotionless.
Yet, they've once had their fair share of an unretrievable past.

Its just a plain ordinary night like any other day. but this particular night doesn't feel right.
The peaceful atmosphere that brings out the best of the romantic couple next to me, why does it contradict itself to make me feel like war on the opposite end?
Aren't we all in the same place?
How are we different? It sure feels despairingly different.

Would this storm be over with a smile?

I miss you.
I miss walking in parks together to seek for new adventures.
I miss you adoring me and lifting my chin, giving me a forehead kiss to ensure everything will be fine.
I miss you getting all worried when I skipped a meal or two.
I miss the nights where we leave all our worries behind and solely focus on each others' existence.
I miss your cold floor and our big fights.
I miss losing track of time when I'm with you.
I miss how the lyrics to every song we hear will complement our feelings.
I miss the unwavering gaze of your eyes as I fall asleep in your arms.
I miss the fact that you used to matter.
Most of all, I miss your warmth.

I can feel your absence exceptionally tonight.
Its like waking up one morning knowing that all your teeth have fallen out of your mouth.
You wouldn't even need a mirror to realise its gone.

Thank you for liking me for who I am, but we can't escape the fact that I'm not enough for you.
I knew this was going to happen, so I'm not blaming you for leaving me.
I'm..... not angry either. I know I should be, but.... I'm not.
I just feel pain. A lot of pain.
Yeah you know, I thought I could imagine how this would hurt? But I was wrong.

Isn't it funny though, how every memory we've cherished and created before, can become our worst nightmares after?
Your thoughts, your likes, your dislikes, and your dreams.
But I guess, just like some bottles of Pinot Noir, our love could neither mature nor travel.

Its the wee hours again?
I don't know which month it was then, or what day is it now.
But these are my finest moments.
I will scrub my skin, to rid me from you.
And I still can't fathom my emotions, why did I cry?
It just felt like you tore apart a perfectly pieced jigsaw puzzle and fixed it your way.
Maybe you thought I would be a better fit for you in this manner.
But then you must have changed your mind, or made a wrong because,

why did you leave?

I can't recognise this feeling of emptiness, the way you left me when you were done.
So for now,
I will miss you.
I will miss your absence like I'll never love again.
And I still don't know which month it was then, or what day is it now.
I will blur out the lines of our memories, like another vagabond, lost, to love.

The wind is aggressive today, its cold. where are you?

Wreckage of Addiction

I understand addiction now. I never did in the past.
How could anyone do something so self-destructive, knowing that they're bound to get hurt themselves, and also inflict pain upon their surroundings?
It just seemed too inexplicably easy for men to just stop, and pour away a glass of gin that was currently half filled.
Filled with emotions, lust, secrets, pain, faith and a shitload of emotional truths.
They just stop, and not take that drink. It's so simple for them, really.
But as so often that I happen to see the truth in human nature, my arrogance kept me from withdrawing.

Every day, I tell myself it would be the last.
Every night as I'm falling asleep, I tell myself to get away from this current scene, doesn't matter where I'd go, as long as its not here.
Away from him, - before this goes even just one step further..
And then his words touches me again, and all my convictions disappear like smoke in the wind.

This can't end well. That's the crux of the matter, the Sweets.
I have been here before, cruising upon the same road.
I have been here before, and there's only heartache at the end.
There's no easy happy ending just hanging onto my hat, just as there was easily, for just anybody else.
If I stay, I'd become bitter and angry. It's happening already, and I cannot stop it.
I'm becoming restless and irritable, and it isn't till long that I'd be intolerable like always
And eventually, he'll leave me too...
But if I do what I have to do, what my very nature forces and compels my soul to do, to move on, the end.... is no better.
One way or another, he'll be gone.
Is it not wiser to accept the fact that this leap of happiness I own, is destined to self-destruct?
Tomorrow I will leave, tomorrow I will stop delaying the inevitable, tomorrow I will quit lying to myself.

To-fucking-morrow.

This is me saying goodbye, I can't handle it anymore
I can't take the constant ups and downs of bipolarity of your nature.
You being there, and then you not being there.
Where were you when I needed you the most?
Words and empty promises, you men are pretty darn good at it.

guess the blatant fact was pretty much already laid out right in-front of my eyes:
#1 placing my heart into the hands of another human, giving them full responsibility for it, instead of guarding it well
#2 knowing that homo-sapiens are imperfect by nature, yet allowing the last fragments of faith to shatter under the darkness of fragility and utter carelessness

I hate it when someone convinces you that you can open up to them.
They promise that they'll be there for you no matter what.
Then once you start to talk to them about personal, painful things, they ABANDON you. Just like that.
I don't understand.
Why would they tell someone they'll be there... but when it gets to be too much, they pick up, pack their bags, and leave.

You think i want to push people away?

It is the only thing I can do to keep myself from being hurt.
All my life, I've had countless of people leave me time and again when I've placed my utmost trust in them.
So now, whenever people start getting close, or if something is going wrong... I start to push those I care about away... you think i want you to leave?
I don't. I want you to fight for me, to prove that you truly value the existence of me and my company.
Because if you don't, you won't fight for me.
But i guess like everyone else in my life, you grew tired of my erratic nature, and vanished.
You won't fight to stay with me. It hurts.
But if that is what you want, fine. I'll deal with the pain as long as you're happy

“You get use to someone—start to like them, even—and they leave. In the end, everyone leaves.” ― Rachel Ward, Numbers

And before you know it.... 
“We were involved in that awkward procedure of getting to un-know each other.” 
i told you, you'd get sick of me. everyone does.
i miss someone who doesn't miss me at all, and that kinda really fucking hurts.

The way I am trying to think of issues, is that when people enter your life: it is a gift and your job to figure out how.
Every time someone new enters, I try very hard to see everyone as an opportunity to grow and learn.
It doesn't always feel like this at the start though, but I'll try to learn something from everyone.
The thing with this, is you're a gift to that person as well.
Cherish yourself. Also try to realise that we're all individuals with out own path to follow.
Sometimes people go different ways from what we yearn for, but that doesn't vicissitude the ultimate experience or joy they've brought into your life.




What about today, you ask?
Today it's already too late. It has begun.
He's already on his move, his sweetness of enclosed captivity, his words, his smile.
And I will pretend. Pretend like this fragile, dangerous thing we have created between us, can last forever.
Just one last time, just one last fix. That's all I need.
And that is why I now understand - the truth of addiction.






i like storms, they let me know that even the sky screams, too.

Try anyways

I know I'm losing you and I know there's nothing I can do about it.
That's pretty much the worse isn't it?
Its not like either of us did anything wrong, we're just not what we used to be. 

I wish there was something I could do to salvage that, but I know deep down you probably wouldn't want me to.

Growing up is hard, but growing apart is the worst...

But am I stupid enough to know how not to handle them?
yeah... i pretty much get the concept that things do not last forever, and we'd all leave each other one day.
Its just that some days i'd just wreck my brain so hard it stings to understand.

Eventually.. we'd all just have to swallow the giant horse pill to grab the concept that letting people go is inevitable.

In these situations, I guess there just isn't any fault with anyone,just the concept of human beings not wanting to try.

try

trʌɪ/

verb, make an attempt or effort to do something.

It leaves me trying so hard when someone decides to back off from life.

It makes me wonder, why am i even associating myself to this circumstance and, worse of all, why.... isn't the other party trying?
We all have our reasons for trying. but i do not believe the concept in "letting go"
Why would you let go of something if it means so much to you.
It wouldn't hurt or stroke my mind if it doesn't bother me.

I believe in doing the best in whatever we do. Perhaps I find comfort in the word "trying".
It brings hope. What would the human race have became if nobody bothered to try out anything?
Edison created the light bulb after countless times of failures, and if it weren't for his attempts to try and re-try, would he have ever succeed?
i wonder how would the world live in an obscure scene of darkness...truly, darkness is rather comforting , but one shouldn't wallow too long within it because your demons just consumes your inner soul and you'd refuse to ever be saved.

Without effort, would anything in this world ever be accomplished?
I guess its the same for friendships and relationships.
Just because the other party has given up doesn't conclude your ending. I guess its plausible to try.
Although in theory it always takes two hands to clap,but I guess if one hand tries hard enough it is able to make contact with the untouchable other hand.
Sometimes, trying results in failures...
But you'd be glad you tried. You'll never regret for putting in enough effort till you're worn out and breathless. And even so, you'd still be glad that you did try.
Sure, it may result in yourself hating the other party, and it'll probably scar you a little...
but the effort you've put in was admirable.
You'd know that it wasn't you who did not want to work things out.
Some things are just not meant to be, but you just try anyway.

It really isn't easy growing up alone, never has, and never will be.

I honestly don't know who else I could ever turn to if not for W.
I, as we all are, am a pile of walking mess covered with flesh.
Our flaws and weaknesses may pull us down but it also spells the unique person that I am today.

I guess nobody can stand the typical possessive and clingy freak I am, its making me hate myself.

People say that i'm changing, but I guess we don't really change, we just adapt ourselves to the world over time, but the essence of me still lies within.

I may be overly sensitive but I care. That's all. 

Who else can I waste my energy on if not for my family and friends?
Perhaps one of the most agonizing glitches programmed into me is empathy.  

I live with the burning desire to help others but I guess sometimes human beings are just too complex to be understood, and maybe, sometimes people don't wish to be saved.
But even so, I believe in trying.

"Loving someone who cannot love you back is a kind of love that is unbearable and overwhelming at times, and pulls a sense of empathy and compassion out from the depths of your soul so deep you never even knew it existed; it refers to an unconditional love.
It does not matter how many times you are lied to, how late you stay awake at night consoling this person through the darker hours or even how much doubt fills and flows in and out of your head. You love this person through it, anyway."- Emily Rella

Everyone is placed into this world to love and be loved.
Trying results in loving someone unconditionally, as long as your values don't ever waver.

Perhaps this person won't ever notice your effort or be grateful towards you,

Growing up and apart is a part and parcel of life, you take the bullshit and live with it.

Its knowing the fact that some things can't be helped. But I'll be damned if you can't at least try.

try. wish the best and love them through it anyway.