2017 x Chapter 1: New Beginnings

Defining Life - Yes, thats my New Year's Resolution for 2017.

I've just met up with a pretty close friend of mine recently before the start of a brand new year.
The two of us meet each other just once a year. And as cliche as it seems - its like as if a sense of familiarity charges your veins with the nostalgia of childhood and adrenaline rushes through in the form of reminiscence.
It's an unexplainable bond that we share, but well they say - #ijfriendsarefriendsforlife eh?

In our recent meet up - we exchanged views of the adulty world versus the perpetual and constant search for defining moments of our lives.
We constantly joked about how we need to "get our shit together." And once again, I questioned my very own existential purpose of living.
Truly, but surely - these questions would've popped up into your mind at least once - in some way or another.

"What does it mean to live?" // "How do you define fulfilment in life?" // "What is the purpose of my existence?"

An author, Donald Richie - once wrote that "to live" could signify that "existence is enough"
However, do I want to merely exist?

I came across a film by Kurosawa titled "Ikiru" which inspired a range of mixed emotions within me.
In an especially poignant start of the film, the film narrator states:

"After all, he's simply passing time without actually living his life. In other words, he's not really even alive... he might as well be a corpse. In fact, this man has been dead for more than 20 years now. Before that, he did live a little. He even actually tried to do real work.

But now, there's barely a trace of his old passion and ambition. He's been worn down completely by the minutia of the bureaucratic machine and the meaningless busy-ness it breeds. Busy, always so very busy.

But in fact, this man does absolutely nothing at all. Other than protecting his own spot. The best way to protect your place in this world is to do nothing at all. Is this really what life is all about?"

After watching the film, "existence" seems pretty much painful - to know that your life hasn't been fully led / that your purpose out there hasn't been fulfilled.
I guess I'm just selfish. I do not want to simply "exist" without searching for meaning in life.

But I am a coward - how do i achieve to live a life filled with an abundance of meaning...?

"we have to get used to the idea that there are no signs at the most important crossroads in our lives"

I guess I've recently come to terms that maybe we really DON'T have to chase after what everyone is chasing after. 

How am I still living and breathing when my thoughts are a mixture of plain chaos, aching to determine what exactly my purpose is? 

Letting go of a belief that I'm supposed to have life figured out by now was really difficult to come to terms with.
But I'm trying, learning and most of all, accepting... that it's actually alright to go through life feeling blind and unsteady - and never fully sure of what you're doing, because that's how it's supposed to be.

What is defining though? How exactly do you define a year?

• By your first heart break?
• By the net quantity of people you've gained and lost in life?
• By the number of places and cities you've travelled to?
• By the decibels of sound your laughter have reached?
• By the moments you've experienced pure, unadulterated joy?
• By the number of events you've stepped out of your comfort zone to achieve something?
• By the number of times you sank into your seat, unable to escape from the grasps of self-loathe?
• By the number of tears you've shed in a year?
• By the number of times you switched off the news to escape from the depressing reality of current events?
• By the amount of new skills you've picked up this year?

Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it is about unbecoming everything that isn't really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place. If all small things lead to the bigger things in life - then, everything happens for a reason.

2017 will be a year to dwell on the beauty of self-discovery.

It will be a year to meet the new and improved version of me, to create new things, explore new passions and visit places I've never thought of visiting. 

To finally live and excite every cell in my body - to pursuit and invigorate what ignites my heart.

To be brave enough to risk and leap across boundaries and be resilient enough to welcome major changes. 

2017 will be the year of defining life - to know and realise that you are meant and created to survive.